So, My Dating Coach Tells Me I'm Waiting for the Equivalent of the Halley's Comet of Love - 50 Food Truck Dates

So, My Dating Coach Tells Me I’m Waiting for the Equivalent of the Halley’s Comet of Love

I’ve been in love – well, the only thing I know to be real love – once in my life.

And it happened 12 years ago.

This love made me feel like the luckiest person alive, the craziest, the most loved and at times, the most alone. It left me starry eyed and all consumed while lying on blankets in the woods, dancing to rock ‘n roll love songs, and writing our names in the sand and the sky. It was romantic, silly, sexy and the best friendship. I simply couldn’t think of one way this man I loved could be any better, or more right, for me.

true-love-instagram

// via andpop.com

Of course, 12 years ago meant I was baby butt young, and circumstances of age and maturity left us: apart, and me: heartbroken. But, this breakup ultimately allowed me to become the most fun, single 20-something version of myself, which in turn allowed me to grow to be the best, most independent woman I could be. How could I ever want our ending to turn out different, when it is so much of who I was able to become?

Now that I’ve evolved into this version of myself that is 30 shades different than the 19-year-old version who fell in love, I still hold in my heart what I know love can be, what I’m looking for, and the hope that someday, I might get to feel a love like that again.

The only problem is, my “knowing what love feels like and what I’m looking for” has turned into “waiting for the equivalent of the Halley’s Comet of love” so eloquently said my dating coach, Daniel Packard.

To me, the “I’m waiting for the equivalent of the Halley’s Comet of love” line was a bit of an epiphany. Here I am so smug that I KNOW what love feels like – I KNOW what I’m looking for, that I didn’t event stop to think that the idea that I know everything, and have it all figured out, might actually be blocking me from finding a love like that again.

This epiphany was so interesting to me, that I’ve shared Daniel’s “you’re waiting for the equivalent of the Halley’s Comet of love” line to pretty much everyone I know.

Work: Jeanna, do you know how we can get 100,000 people to download our app next year?!

Me: YEP. Piece of cake. I’ve got all the time in the world to figure that out cause guess what, I’m waiting for the equivalent of the Halley’s Comet of love!

Corner Store: Debit or credit, ma’am?!

Me: Oh, I’m just going to go with CREDIT. Charge that shit cause I’m waiting for the equivalent of the Halley’s Comet of love!

Bartender: Tall or short?

Me: Yeah, let’s just go ahead and make that a TALL cause I’m WAITING FOR THE GOD DAMN EQUIVALENT OF THE HALLEY’S COMET OF LOVE.

(Aaaannnnd, work/corner store/bar – that sums up my life).

halley's comet of love

// via Flickr

Every time I explain this little epiphany to someone over the last few weeks, I have to explain who Daniel is – my dating coach. And this inevitably is followed with snickers, and “a DATING COACH?! You.have.a.DATING.COACH?!”

You’re god damn right I do, and you should too if you’re looking for a romantic, silly, sexy and the best friendship kind of love that you don’t seem to be able to find.

You see, I wasn’t really sure what to expect from the whole dating coaching thing either. Daniel, and his fiance Lindsay Chrisler, both professional dating coach extraordinaires, reached out to work with me because Daniel just so happens to be Jewish Big Balls Batman’s brother. (Sorry, I can’t speak to shared brotherly balls size).

After reading my date with JBBB, they extended an invitation to have a few coaching conversations with me. Daniel specializes in cutting through the bull shit, so to speak, and getting to a love breakthrough by digging into what might be blocking someone from finding the love they want – whether that’s past, current or future baggage. And Lindsay specializes in helping women find the love life they want by becoming a more happy and confident version of themselves.

So my first step in working with Daniel and Lindsay was to have an hour and a half phone call with Daniel to talk through why it’s been 12 years since I’ve fallen in love. Once he spewed the Halley’s Comet truth on me, we worked through some of my blockers and ways I could get around these things. Which of course I’m going to openly share on the internet for the sake of full disclosure and embarrassment because something tells me some of you are doing the same things. Here’s a bit of what I learned:

  • Saying that I’m “picky” because I know what I’m looking for and have high expectations is a catch phrase that might actually keep me from from exploring relationships and dates further, and I could actually be filtering out good men who I have the potential to fall in love with.
  • A lot of love and dating is the unknown – not knowing if they like you, not knowing when you’ll hear from them – and I don’t like the unknown and feeling out of control or vulnerable, so I don’t do anything that makes me feel those things.
  • To avoid the unknown and feeling out of control, I don’t take any chances. I don’t take chances with guys I like, and I don’t take chances with guys who I don’t like. If I don’t feel amazing sparks on the first date, I immediately dismiss the guy and never go on a second date. And if I do feel amazing sparks on the first date, I’m too nervous and chicken to let the guy know I like him, too nervous to text him, too nervous to ask him out. Because the fear of rejection, unknown, losing control and being vulnerable consumes me.

SOOO basically, some of my takeaways that Daniel helped me to realize I need to attempt from here on out with my dates are to:

  • Focus on connection, not rejection. Lower all of my rules and focus on treating every guy like an opportunity to fall in love, rather than the opportunity to reject him because I’m “picky.”
  • Learn to connect with men, without needing to control the situation, know the outcome or need it to end a certain way.
  • Take risks! Let guys know I like them. Ask them out. Make a move.

And after that, after mastering allll of that, I just might find love – a starry-eyed, all-consumed, lying-on-blankets-in-the-woods, dancing-to-rock-’n-roll-love-songs, and writing-our-names-in-the-sand-and-the-sky kind of love – before 2061, when Halley’s Comet makes her 75-year orbit back to earth.

halley's comet of love 2

// via Tumblr

What say you, lovers? Have you ever done dating coaching – and if you haven’t, would you? Do you commiserate with anything that came out of MY dating coaching? Let’s discuss.

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About Jeanna

Jeanna's going on 50 Food Truck Dates - 50% for the story, 50% for the love and 25% for the food. That's more than 100%, but who's judging. Follow her food and date adventures in San Francisco and beyond by subscribing to the50dates.com via email or RSS.
19th March 2013
  • Matt notmylastname

    The philosopher wants to add, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” :) Cheers, and good luck!

    • the50dates

      Matt, are you quoting the Notorious B.I.G.?!

      • Matt notmylastname

        No! (did he say that?) I’m quoting myself. It’s how I look at people in terms of dating. I know some things I like, and I know some things I don’t like, but there are millions of combinations of traits, relationship types, and loves that I have not experienced. I don’t know what I don’t know. It helps me keep an open mind.

        • the50dates

          Ha! He says, “If you don’t know, now you know, n***a.” Just made me think of it. :) I like your philosophy, MR. PHILOSOPHER, of how you stay open minded. I need to practice that.

  • http://30somethingtherapy.com/ Mel

    Let me just say, I did NOT have fireworks when first meeting my (now) boyfriend. So much so that I outright rejected him for over 8 months. I finally caved and gave him my number (we had a few mutual friends that kept our paths crossing)… and here we are — four years later.
    I like this Dating Coach already… :)

    • the50dates

      That seems to be the case with SO many people I know!! I have a broken understanding of WHEN I give a guy a second chance when I’m not feeling it the first date. Some of my most happy (married) friends are with men that I heard them say, “No way Jose” to. I have this interesting theory that it works better for girls to not be interested in a guy at first, cause then we’re less crazy and don’t analyze or act shy and weird – we just act normal!

  • http://www.facebook.com/BriannePruitt Brianne Pruitt

    When my husband of seven years and I were first thrown together as wing men on a trip to Funky Planet (oh, Canada, what memories!), we looked at each other and both were like, “Ugh, I have to spend my night hanging out with this weirdo/loser!?!” But the bud of friendship grew out of that night, and eventually (and we’re talking years, here), bloomed into a full-on, love-of-my-life romance that still has me breathless all this time later. Thus, your coach has it correct. You never know what will develop.

    • Jeanna

      Funky Planet!! Hahaha. I love, love hearing all these stories. I’m going to rom-com out and daydream about all the coworkers and guy friends who are going to magically love me in 3-5 years after we kinda loved-hated each other. Oh, the possibilities!

    • the50dates

      I LOVE all these types of stories!! Some of my very best friends thought “just friendship” with their hubbies/loves of their life too. I have a theory that things just work better when a girl is less crazy/analyzing and just thinks the guy is friendship material only.
      HOWEVER, I’m crazy bad at picking out which guys I should give a second date too. I feel like I could have missed out on like 800 chances to fall in love by now cause I think I don’t like anyone!
      P.S. I’m going to go fantasize that all my hot coworkers and best guy friends are secretly in love with me and we’re going to skip off into the sunset in three years. ;)

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